Kirei
by Gein
Summary: Basically my version of what happens after Kanryuu is defeated. This is in Hannya's POV, and is shounen-ai! ^_^


Greetings, ye merrymen! *dances to that medieval music the people who have read most of my fics KNOW is playing* How are ye? First off, this is yet another AoshixHannya fic that I made up one night when I was upset. It's in Hannya's POV, by the way.^^ I seem to keep on going for the couples I've already done...I guess that's okay, though! ^_______^ Hmmm...what to say...oh, yeah! On my last fic, Kurushimi, I got kinda bad reviews...*sniff* and only two ones, the first one. and the one by A-chan that I liked. So in an attempt to make a fic that'll get good reviews, here's this one. And yes, ye merrymen, I DO know that's Hannya's face is deformed. But I think Aoshi looks for inside beauty, being the deep kinda guy that he is. So anyway, Rurouni Kenshin is property of Watsuki sensei, Shueisha, and all the others. With out further due...  
  
Kirei  
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I watched you as you sat with her outside, talking softly to her. She was smiling, and hugged you, and you responded postively. I watched you. Pretending that was me. That you felt that way for me, and didn't think I was different, a freak. I pretended you loved me, and I wasn't different. But no matter how hard I try, I can't change what's happened. You deserve someone like her, who's smart and  
eautiful. And normal. Someone that isn't like me, that isn't an outcast because of what I am. You deserve someone like her.  
  
It was strange, you'd think I'd be used to it by now. I guess I am, but that night, when I saw you with her, happy, loving,   
that time I just wished for one night I could be normal. And maybe I'd have a chance at loving you. I wished that for once I could be normal, where people don't stare because I'm hiding something behind this mask, and people don't stare because I look  
like a freak. I am a freak. But for once, I wish I could look normal, feel normal, that maybe, somehow, you'd love me. Then I wouldn't be ashamed to tell you how I truely feel. How much I love you.  
  
But I'll never be able to. Thing's don't happen that way, like the fairy tales I once read to Misao. Where things happen perfectly, and everyone's so happy in the end. When I saw you, the real you, that night, I felt tears come to my eyes. Crying is something I thought I would never be able to do. But I saw the real you; it's the last thing you'd ever show me. You were so happy. I think of it now, and it's already fading.  
  
Now as I watch you, I want to reach out and touch you, hug you, tell you I...no, we'll be all right. But I can't. My half dead body prevents me from doing that. I lay there, feeling tears fall again, and for once I'm glad I have a mask on. I wouldn't want you to know how weak I really am. I wouldn't want you to know you're my weakness. But it's strange how good it feels to cry.  
  
Images flash through my mind. All the happy and sad times with you...they're all replaced by this one moment. It's strange to know you're dying, and not feel a thing, but I guess strange is considered normal for me. I want to tell you how sorry I am that I never really was of any worth to you, to tell you that while you might not care for me, I care for you. And I'll always be with you. Forever. At this time, this is where I wish magic was real, and that I could at least live long enough to explain to you my feelings.  
  
Blood flows into my eyes, making the world blood red. Blood. All of me, of the freak, the ugly, horrible outcast's blood, leaving his body. I hate myself; I hate my body, my face, everything. Why couldn't I be normal? Why?  
  
"Naze...?" I whisper, and you hear it. That beautiful, tear-stained face, desperately looking around the room to find the owner of the voice. I love you...I love you...And...I know I don't stand a chance. Why don't I just give up? Just stop pretending, wishing I was normal. I'll always wish I was. I wish I was like you. Strong, loyal, and so beautiful...I just wish. "O...kashira..." I whisper.  
  
I try as hard as I can not to make the pain that evident. Your eyes widen and you rush over to me, crushing me in a sweet embrace. This is how I've always wanted to be with you...and I'm finally experiencing it. I close my eyes, just feeling. Everything about you is so unreal...your hair, your eyes, your face...everything I'm not. But now...this is the first time I've felt this way. I feel so immortal, so...beautiful. Because you're here with me.  
  
"Hannya....onegai....onegai....Hannya..." you whisper again and again. More tears. Don't cry. Don't...I hate to see you this way. In this state...I wish I could see you happy, just one more time. I reach up weakly, brushing the tears from your face. That beautiful, flawless, normal face, and I felt so wrong doing this to someone normal. Yet at the same time so right. "Oka...shira...please don't...  
don't cry..." I feel myself choking up, and wanting to say more, but my ailing body prevents me from doing so.  
  
You taking my weak hand, pressing it to your face, holding on desperately. Am I causing you this much pain; are you crying just for me, or is your pain for everyone else? I'm so selfish...I just...I don't know, There's a slight piece pf hope that maybe you feel the same. I gather up strength to say what I want to. "I...I'm so sorry I...couldn't help you much...but I...I..." tears run down my face,  
nd with one half of my mask gone, you see it clearly.  
  
You take off my mask, revealing my horrible face. You brush away the tears from my ugly, horrible, demonic face, gazing into my eyes. "Hannya..." I feel so self-conscious, but then...all the pain  
is forgotten as you gently enter my mouth, your tongue twisting and exploring. You're...kissing me. I desperately want to respond, wrapping my arms around yours and kissing you back, but I can't. Yet...now I am ready to leave. Just one more thing.   
  
You part and whisper something that makes me at peace. "I love you..." you whisper. I smile, my eyes taking note of everything about you. "I...love...you....too..." My eyes close and he grasps me tighter, sobbing. But everything's all right. Because   
you're with me. And I'll always be with you. I thought I'd never feel you like this, but...it's really happening. I'm sorry...sorry I can't live like you want, but...I'll be with you. In your heart. And thank you. Thank you for everything.  
  
As you hold me, and as I die, I smile. And because you're with me, I feel so different. You make me feel so immortal. I don't feel normal. I feel...beautiful. Because you're here with me.  
  
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How was that, ye merrymen? I hope you like it, and write nice, pretty things about it! *medieval music plays* To me there seemed to be a little too many things like, "Oh, my goodness." and "I'm not normal." and "It's all right." You know, only two or three words in sentences that repeat themselves. That was annoying to me, yes. But hey, I did it in about 30 min., and didn't have anything planned out, so...it came out pretty good if ye ask me. ^_^ A special thank you to those who read all my babbling, by the way! You make me happy! Well, ye merrymen, please review this fic, and thank ye. 


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